Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year when Stumpy saw the antique bi-plane he would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that airplane.” Martha always replied, “I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, “Martha, I’m 81 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane I might never get another chance.” Martha replied, “Stumpy, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”

The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you; but if you say one word it’s 10 dollars.”

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Stumpy and said, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”

Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”

Your dollars are God’s dollars.

Tags: humor, money

Sometimes what we say just comes out wrong. Most of the arguments my wife and I have are simple misunderstandings. I say one thing and she hears another, or vice-verse. Communication is a big problem for some of us because we are wired so differently.

And sometimes my brain just runs a little faster than my mouth. On one occasion I was preaching to a church full of adults about marriage and was trying to communicate that giving love and respect to each other creates much success. But I actually said, “Marriage creates much sex”. Everyone got a good laugh out of that one.

Another time I was wrapping up an evening marriage-themed meeting by saying, “We want you to have a sexful marriage”. That was the end of the evening right then. People couldn’t wait to get home.

If you listen to Jesus’ teaching in the New Testament, you know that He was always thinking outside the box. Because we routinely think inside the box, everything He says catches us off guard and seems revolutionary. That’s why we should let His carefully chosen words pierce out hearts and guide our way.

Tags: communication, humor, marriage, mistakes

Years ago, when we were in our small building on Washington Street, we did a restroom remodeling project. We replaced an old toilet with a new one, made it handicapped accessible, and added two urinals to the men’s room, as well as doubled the size of the ladies’ restroom. We set the old toilet out behind the church building, not knowing what to do with it.

Sometime later a young man in our church named Jimmy asked if he could have that old toilet because the one in his downtown apartment was broken. I was glad to be rid of it, so gave him permission. What I saw later that day makes me laugh to this very day.

This young man (not the sharpest tack in the box) was carrying that toilet, tank intact, down the middle of the street, one slow and labored step after another. His buddy followed a few steps behind carrying the tank lid. I nearly fell on the floor laughing. He carried that heavy thing like that for three blocks to his upstairs apartment downtown. I could only imagine what passersby were thinking as he struggled along with his own personal mobile toilet.

What is the memory that you makes you laugh the most?

Tags: humor, toilet

Several years ago 7 Up began advertising itself as the “Un-Cola”. They were trying to break into the Real Thing Coke and Pepsi Generation with a new advertising spin on a really old product. Who knows if they sold anybody on the twist? Here are two more Unwise stories from the new media:

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger in his pocket to simulate a gun, but, unfortunately, he forgot to keep his hand in his pocket.

On Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks who were new to boating were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner boat to perform. It wouldn’t get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. Some folks have plenty of money, but are desperate for wisdom.

Tags: humor, wisdom

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” the man shouted, “that’s not what I said!”

Another man called 9-1-1 with an emergency. he spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”

Another man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street. When the homeowner called police, they arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

Get let Satan get the last laugh one you. In all your getting, get some wisdom from God.

Tags: humor, wisdom

A manufacturing firm had a breakdown in one of their machines. Staff engineers tried everything they could think of, but they couldn’t fix the problem. Desperate, they contacted a retired engineer with a reputation for repairing all things technical.

The engineer spent a day studying the huge machine. With a piece of chalk he marked the trouble spot with an X.

The part was replaced, and the machine worked perfectly again. But when the company’s accountant received the engineer’s bill for $50,000, they demanded and itemized tally of his charges.

The engineer responded: One chalk mark, $1. Knowing where to put it, $49,999.

When its time to make major decisions, knowing how to make the right ones is invaluable. That’s why we’re told to pray for wisdom.

Tags: decision, humor, wisdom