In his book As Iron Sharpens Iron, a great book on the power of mentoring, author Howard Hendricks tells this story of his troubled home background:

“By the fifth grade, I was bearing all the fruit of a kid who feels insecure, unloved, and pretty angry at life. In other words, I was tearing the place apart. However, my teacher Miss Simon apparently thought that I was blind to this problem, because she regularly reminded me, ‘Howard, you are the worst behaved child in this school!’

So tell me something I don’t already know! I thought to myself, as I proceeded to live up (or down) to her opinion of me.

One time I got so out of hand that she physically grabbed me, shoved me into my desk, tied me to my seat with a rope, and wrapped tape around my mouth. ‘Now you will sit still and be quiet!’ she announced triumphantly. So what else could I do?

Needless to say, the fifth grade was probably the worst year of my life. Finally I was graduated – for obvious reasons. But I left with Miss Simon’s words ringing in my ears: ‘Howard, you are the worst behaved child in this school!’

You can imagine, then, my expectations upon entering the sixth grade, where my teacher was Miss Noé. The first day of class she went down the roll, and it wasn’t long before she came to my name. ‘Howard Hendricks,’ she called out, glancing from her list to where I was sitting with my arms folded, just waiting to go into action. She looked me over for a moment, and said, ‘I’ve heard a lot about you.’ Then she smiled and added, ‘But I don’t believe a word of it!”

I tell you, that moment was a fundamental turning point, not only in my education, but in my life. Suddenly, unexpectedly, someone believed in me. For the first time in my life, someone saw potential in me. Miss Noé put me on special assignments. She gave me little jobs to do. She invited me to come in after school to work on my reading and arithmetic. She challenged me with higher standards.

I had a hard time letting her down. In fact, one time I got so involved in one of her homework assignments that I stayed up until 1:30 in the morning working on it! Eventually my father came down the hall and said, ‘What’s the matter, son, are you sick?’

‘No, I’m doing my homework,’ I replied.

He kind of blinked and rubbed his eyes, not quite sure whether he was awake. He’d never heard me say anything like that before. Finally he shook his head and said, ‘You’re sick!’

What made the difference between fifth grade and sixth? The fact that someone was willing to give me a chance. Someone was willing to believe in me while challenging me with higher expectations. That was risky, because there was no guarantee that I would honor Miss Noé’s trust.”

Do you have any experience with you own little Howard?

Tags: acceptance, Howard Hendricks, patience, rebellion, teach

Several years ago the pastor of a church in a neighboring community and I were visiting. He had come from a rather large church which was led by his Senior Pastor. He had been accepted as the pastor of a church with an elder-led system. He had been their pastor only about two months and was complaining about how the Board thought it was their job to tell him what to do. I just listened.

He announced his plan to change the governmental system of this church so that it became a pastor-led church. He was insistent that only his way was the scriptural way to govern a church. I encouraged him to slow down and give this transition time, but he was adamant that the Board step down. Sure enough, he lead a challenge publicly to change the governmental structure of the church. And within the month he was moving back home to Michigan, fired from his position.

He may have been correct about the scriptural way a church should be governed, but he was too new to be trusted, and had not gained sufficient clout to influence the people. He was without a job and the church was without a pastor. He tried to change the value system of that church and didn’t give it the time necessary.

Have you seen sad stories like this?

Tags: Change, church, patience, time

One of my heroes of the faith is St. Patrick. There are many true stories about him and there are many legends. One story is told about the baptism of King Aengus by St. Patrick in the middle of the fifth century. Sometime during the rite, St. Patrick leaned on his sharp-pointed staff and inadvertently stabbed the king’s foot. After the baptism was over, St. Patrick looked down at all the blood, realized what he had done, and begged the king’s forgiveness. Why did you suffer this pain in silence, the Saint wanted to know. The king replied, “I thought it was part of the ritual.”

Whether this story is true or merely legend, it illustrates the truth that sometimes we have to put up with pain as the Lord develops and purifies us. Hang onto your faith and never, never, never give up.

Tags: pain, patience, St. Patrick

Many years ago, when I was dating Anita, her parents hosted a Japanese foreign exchange student. English was a second language for him, and he knew it well enough to survive in school. One of his first desires was to buy a pair of American jeans, just coming into fashion in the early ’70’s. We took him shopping at a trendy new jean store near the mall in Fort Wayne.

Always the frugal (or should I say cheap) shopper, I took him to a section where the price was best and told him to buy those. He carefully examined the jeans, reading every word on the label. He got one of those silly Japanese horror movie looks on his face when he came upon the word ‘Slightly Irregular’. To a long-haired hippie like me, Slightly Irregular meant ‘great bargain’. To a guy schooled on the King’s English who was unfamiliar with American slang, it meant something altogether different. And its hard to tell someone who understands good English that it really doesn’t mean what he knows it means.

In one version, Paul advises us to “Make allowance for each other’s faults” (Colossians 3:13). Who do you know that is not slightly irregular? But if we Christians can make allowance for slightly irregular people, we will not take up offenses quite so easily. Just keep telling yourself, “When I meet that slightly irregular person today, be sure to make allowance for their slight irregularity.” And, perhaps they’ll make allowance for your irregularity as well.

Tags: irregular, patience

Today is the 18th day since my surgery and the last day with the catheter. I think my biggest problem with this process was the unrealistic expectations that I had. I heard from others that I would be laid up for four weeks off work for this surgery, but when I asked the Doc how long before I went back to work, he asked what I did for a living. I told him I was a minister and most of my work was working at a desk. He said, “Maybe in two weeks if you take it easy.” So, I was thinking I’d be up and about and doing what I wanted to do part time in two weeks and not push myself.

But, its not that easy. Externally, I feel strong and healthy, but internally the healing continues. At 18 days into this, I’m still wearing an uncomfortable catheter and having difficulty sitting up straight. If I had just accepted the four week healing period as a time to just rest, I would be right on schedule. But my unrealistic expectations were just not realistic, and that’s what discouraged me. My advice to others in the future will be to just plan to wait it out at home for a full month. Then good news looks good.

Tags: patience, unrealistic expectations

There are two periods of discouragement in the church calendar. The first occurs in February and is called by church leaders the Winter Doldrums, and the second is during the summer months and is called the Summer Slump. We all understand the Summer Slump, but seldom give attention to the Winter Doldrums.

The Winter Doldrums begin imperceptively right after the high of Christmas, with all its activities, church attendance increases, hubbub, much ado, and excitement. We deal OK with winter throughout January, although the snow problems slow us down. But by the time February settles in we are tired of being cooped up in the house and dealing with snow and ice. Impatience begins to set in. This spills over into our church life. People become cranky and dissillusioned. Why is church attendance down? Why is there not excitement here like we had last year? Whose to blame? Maybe I need to find a new church that is more exciting.

Just in the nick of time, Spring comes, we turn our clocks ahead, the sun shines brighter and we emerge from the Winter Doldrums to the renewed excitement of Spring and Easter. Hallelujah!

February is not the time to make major decisions! We need to patiently await the surely coming Spring and the renewed excitement it brings. Every church has to battle the discouragement of February, and every church awaits the new day when March/April arrives. Be patient!

Tags: discouragement, patience, Summer Slump, Winter Doldrums