A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to a dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocain because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
Have you ever noticed that some people like to make decisions for other people? When we make decisions for others, even if those decisions are best, we are handicapping them from learning their own lessons. Once we become the decision-maker for them, we are forever destined to follow them around continually making all their decisions, because they never grow up enough to make their own wise decisions.
Who do you know that makes decisions for others?
Tags: control, decision, humor
A tourist got separated from his tour group in the Sahara. He begged a passing nomad for water. “Sorry,” said the tribesman, “I have no water, but I do have some lovely neckties I’ll sell you.”
“You must be crazy,” the tourist mumbled. Nearly dead from thirst, he spied another man. “Water!” the tourist gasped. “Please, give me water.”
“I have no water,” came the reply, “only these handsome neckties, which I will happily sell you.”
The wretched tourist stumbled on until, to his surprise, he saw a grand hotel in the distance. Crawling into the foyer, he cried, “Please – give me water!”
“Sorry, sir,” the concierge replied. “We don’t let anyone in without a necktie.”
Could it be that the thing we’ve been rejecting in life is actually what God has sent to prepare us for the future?
Tags: humor, prayer, provision
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
We all have to start at the bottom and work our way up, proving ourselves to our overseers every step of the way. What was your experience at starting a new job?
Tags: humility, humor, test
A pastor called one of his parishioners and searched for an effective way to discuss her soul and salvation. After some introductory words, he told the wife that at her age she should start thinking about the hereafter.
She replied, “Oh, I do, I do.” She then explained, “No matter were I am, I ask myself, “Now, what am I here after?”
Some people find a way to turn every spiritual argument into some worldly discussion. Perhaps that’s because these things are spiritually revealed. If they are not spiritual, they can’t understand a spiritual message.
What do you think is an effective way to open a spiritual discussion with someone who is not spiritual?
Tags: heaven, humor
A church bulletin had a clever poem about criticism that began:
A little seed lay in the ground
And soon began to sprout;
“Now, which of all the flowers around,
Shall I,” it mused, “come out?”
The seed could then be heard saying, “I don’t care to be a rose. It has thorns. I have no desire to be a lily. It’s too colorless. And I certainly wouldn’t want to be a violet. It’s too small, and it grows too close to the ground.”
The poem concludes with this verse about the faultfinding seed:
And so it criticized each flower,
That supercilious seed,
Until it woke one summer hour
And found itself a weed!
Do you agree that the root of all criticism is pride? Are there exceptions?
Tags: criticism, poetry, seed
Middle School children were playing in a volleyball tournament. They had an early game at 8:00 AM and the next one was not until 11:00 AM. One of the parents volunteered to take everybody to breakfast at her restaurant. There were about six or eight couples and children. The food was served cafeteria style. They got in line with the other people who were at the restaurant that morning. Some were the invited guests and some were paying guests.
The parent who invited her friends positioned herself next to the cash register and as each one passed in front of her she would tell the girl at the cash register that those she had invited did not have to pay because they were with her. The cost of each meal was still entered into the computer, but that they did not have to pay. Others who did not know her, however, had to pay.
What they experienced that morning is what each person will experience at judgment. Each one will stand before the owner of the universe and those who know Him will be given eternal life, but those who do not know Him will pay the full price of their sins.
Can you think of a better example of grace?
Tags: grace, judgment
During his years as mayor of New York City, Fiorello La Guardia sometimes presided as judge in a night court. In one case, a man was found guilty of stealing a loaf of bread. He pleaded that he had committed that theft to feed his starving family.
“The law is the law,” La Guardia declared. “I must therefore fine you $10.” When the man sadly confessed that he had no money, the judge took $10 out of his wallet and paid the fine. He also asked each person in the courtroom to contribute 50 cents to help the man.
Have you ever seen such generosity in your world?
Tags: grace, judgment, Law, stealing