In a UPI article printed in The Evening Star back in 1987, Neil Bennett, an assistant professor of sociology at Yale University, reported that a study had identified that people living together before they get married are much more likely to get divorced than those who do not cohabitate first, according to the study.
When the researchers compared the women who had lived with their spouse before getting married to those who had not, they found the divorce rate was 80% higher among those that had cohabitated, he said.
When the researchers compared those who had lived with their spouse for three years or more before getting married to those who had lived together for a shorter period, the divorce rate was 50% higher among the longest cohabitators, he said.
Should this surprise us? If we do not value the institution of marriage before we marry, why should anyone expect us to value the institution after we marry. What’s your take on this?
Several years ago a man wrote a letter to Abigail Van Buren. She wrote her own reply, of course, but I wondered how you would answer. The letter:
“DEAR ABBY: My wife is the best friend I’ve ever had. I love her and wouldn’t hurt her for the world, but she’s a dud in bed. We would never have sex if I didn’t ask for it. She “accommodates” me without much enthusiasm – as though she’s doing me a favor.
I recently had an affair with a lovely woman. We had a wonderful time, doing everything a man and woman can do together, and she absolutely loved it! I finally experienced something I’ve wanted all my life – to be touched sexually by someone who knew how.
This leaves me with a difficult choice: continue having affairs with women who enjoy sex, or remain frustrated and bitter toward my wife. I’m not interested in your opinion of me. I would like to know how I can influence my wife to become a Cleopatra so I can share these feelings with her instead of someone else.
For the sake of thousands of dissatisfied men who really love their wives and would rather stay home, please publish your answer. Signed, WASHINGTONIAN”
Pretend you are Abby. How would you respond to Washingtonian?
A man died and went to heaven. When he arrived he discovered that there were two lines at the front gate. In one line there was a host of men as far as the eye could see and a sign at the front said, “For Henpecked Husbands.” There was only one man in the other line and the sign over his head said, “For Real Men.”
So the gentleman who had died was confused. He went over to the line for “Real Men” and said to the fellow there, “It looks like you are the only real man in heaven.” And the man replied, “Well, I may be and I may not be. I really don’t know for sure. All I know is that my wife told me to get in this line, so I got in this line!”
We chuckle at the story, but sometimes we, too, can become confused with the changing roles of husbands and wives. Nothing is traditional anymore, and that may be a good thing. But the Bible does have some straightforward things to say about the responsibilities of men and women in marriage. And God’s way still works, while the world’s way ends in heartache…every time.
A newspaper in Redland, California told about a man that had died. He was in the Guiness Book of World Records for being married and divorced the most of any person in the world. He had been married 29 times and divorced 29 times.
One of his sons said that his father was picky and stubborn. He divorced one wife for eating sunflower seeds in bed and another because she used his toothbrush. When he died, of all the wives that he had, not one came to claim his body and no one wanted to pay for his funeral expenses.
For some people, marriage is all about them. And if they don’t get what they want in the relationship, they end it! My question is, what was wife number 29 thinking when she married him? I’ll bet she was thinking that she could change him for the better.
What do you think about Mr. Divorce?
For the next couple of weeks we’re talking about Marriage Madness and I will be sharing some things that will, hopefully, help in your relationships. For example, when properly maintained, a car these days is often good for 200,000 miles.
However, it may run great for 212 miles and then it begins to chug, chug, chug. You see a red light and the “empty” gauge, but don’t get the picture. You are ready to trade it in for a new model when all it needed was some gasoline – a refill at the gas station.
In the same way, your marriage is humming along and the things are going well, but chug, chug, chug, and you say, “I need to trade this thing in on a new model.”
In reality, you need a refilling of the Holy Spirit who can help you “Submit one to another in the fear of the Lord.” A husband submitting to his wife does not abdicate his responsibility of leadership in the home, but he helps bear her burdens and sacrifices his own desires for what helps to fulfill her needs while she is doing the same for him.
Marriage is a partnership with distinctive roles. Keep your marriage well maintained and full of the Holy Spirit.
God has a way of teaching us powerful lessons. For example, consider this is true story:
“One day my husband and I got into an argument and ended up yelling at each other. I retreated to the porch and sat with my head in my hands, crying. Our two-year old overheard the argument. ‘I love you, Mom,’ she said, as she sat beside me and put her arms around me. ‘I love you, too,’ I said. She rested her head on my shoulder, hugging me hard. ‘I wish you could love Daddy, too,’ she said. Talk about ripping your heart out! ‘But I do love your Daddy. We just had a disagreement.’ With that my daughter smiled, got up and walked away. ‘Where are you going?’ I asked. She replied, ‘I’m going to tell Daddy you love him!’
If you are going to expose your children to your anger, be sure you also expose them when you forgive each other. Teach them how to deal with the issue – without attacking the person. You may need to teach them things you were never taught. Forgive when you’re hurt and don’t take your resentments to bed. Jesus said you must forgive “so that your Father in heaven may forgive you” (Mark 11:25). So, do it for your children’s sake.